Just a GOOD Day

I know the title is a tad bland for most, but for me its that cleansing breath that happens the moment the weight has been lifted. I have NOT been doing so well with accepting things recently. I know more than anyone how blessed my life is and how full of meaning, but sometimes I just have bad days.... or weeks... or just bad seasons in my life. I do not feel like it is a bad thing to go through the valleys sometimes. Some days I just want to feel bad... and sleep. Another reason my children are such blessings!! They force me to smile and laugh and get out of bed everyday. I may not love where I live, or the current situations I face everyday, but let me make it very clear.... I LOVE MY LIFE!

Every morning as I lay there fighting the drowsiness... I begin to hear my boys laughing in the next room. They giggle over and over.... no telling what they are laughing at. They always start their day with a smile... and with each other. They are happy. I would say that all I ever want for my children is their happiness but that would be a complete LIE! I want so so so much more than that! I want them to experience life and all the joys of it to the absolute fullest. I want them to understand just how much they are loved... not just by me but also by Jesus.

I hear the door open next... Candon checks to see if Im awake... I keep my eyes tightly shut. I know I know I need to get up and be a mom but he is like an alarm clock ! Im allowed about 3 snooze hits before he eventually comes in a peels my eyes open and I hear "Good Morning Mama!". Then something amazing happens.... I smile. Every day I wake up to them the same way... I may not want to get up, or I might even be a little grouchy but I still Smile! Something about hearing my sweet boy say good morning... for a brief moment... Im happy and a smile creeps in. Then I hear little feet.... and see two BIG blue eyes peering at me over a empty bottle. "More drink mama".... =) ... Good Morning Kymbrel... "morning mama".... and he disappears down the hall to meet me for his refill ! 

Kenzi since moving into her own room has decided that she will sleep not 8-8 like normal... but 9-5 then she needs a snack and will go back to sleep till 9:30. I am NOT joking... Every morning at 5 AM I drag myself down the hall and make her bottle... drag my self back to her room and look down at her and she is smiling.... not a oh HI yay a bottle smile.... its a HUGE whole face your the most amazing person I love you so much mama... smile. THEN I SMILE !! She takes her bottle and I check her diaper... you know eyes closed and you do the squishy test... then she is off to sleep and so am I.

This morning I woke up... and missed church ... I over slept.. and when your a stay at home mom sometimes over sleeping is just what you need. I woke up the same way ... same smiles ... same cup refill. I got up and got everyone taken care of and then I made me a cup of coffee and decided to go outside. The sun was shining so perfectly this morning... the air was cool and I even wore a sweatshirt!! I took my bible and my camera out and just sat... observed and read the word. I have been praying for peace about certain areas of my life for sometime and it was like I felt it today for the first time. Like I felt God say " I am your peace no matter what the world looks like ... no matter the chaos....
no matter the fears you may have... no matter how homesick you may get...

 I AM YOUR PEACE."

Im not saying that I won't have another bad day or week or season in my life but I feel I have some clarity. 

I went in and seen that my baby girl had woke up and was ready to eat... her daddy was changing her. Something about seeing him with her... it does something odd and warm and gushy to my insides. I just feel like a puddle of love. I have never known a true father daughter relationship... until now. Its like watching a movie... but its all real life.

After I got everyone down for naps... including my husband haha... I got ready for a photo-shoot!

I always get so nervous before photographing people... especially new people!! Dont get me wrong I 100% LOVE what I do its just the anxiety is always present in car. I think things like " I hope they like me... I hope I dont look too lazy... I hope they dont expect me to have a lot of equipment.... im in a t-shirt and hat I look terrible.... WHY did I wear flip flops? MY toe nails look terrible.... i have like 3 and 1/3 painted." Then I get there and see the client... and all is perfect.

Suddenly I lose all anxiety and become completely blind with ideas....

Todays setting was absolutely gorgeous !! I felt like I had been on vacation when I left NOT like I had spent 2 hours shooting photos! There was a tremendous feeling of home. It reminded me so much of where I am from which normally makes me so sad... but not today. Looking at the green fields and the cotton that went on forever... all I could do was smile while the sun kissed my face and the breeze blew all around me. Close my eyes... take a deep breath and just feel it... just let it all in. 

Peace... and Home

The baby was a little DOLL !! His name was Eli and he was just an absolute precious little squishy baby. His EYES were out of this world too !! He was so easy to photograph !! I loved seeing him and his beautiful mommy today. There is nothing in the entire world that can compare to the love you will see between a parent and a child. Thank you heavenly father for allowing us to experience just a small taste of how much you love us. I can not imagine loving anyone or anything more than I love my children... its overwhelming to think of how much you Love me.... Of how much you love us all. 

For God So Loved The World

At the end of the day... Im sitting here trying to piece together the pieces ... trying to understand how I let myself get so broken up and misplaced over the last few weeks. I will always miss my family. I will always miss my home. That will never change.... no matter how many bad days I choose to have. I need to accept Gods Peace and Embrace his Hugs. The day started with this amazing light... Maybe thats all it really took for me to get it... I just needed to see the light. I needed to feel the warmth on my face. 

It has been a very Good Day!